


To Run With Winter

by RDJ_luvet



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Amputee Tony, Angst, Confused Steve, Disabled Character, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Here are the added tags:, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, I Almost Forgot Those Last Two, M/M, Nightmares, Oops, Poor Tony, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Steve is Confused, They are Kinda Important, au-ish, good parent Howard, more tags to come, poor Howard, poor steve
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-08-15 08:32:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8049445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RDJ_luvet/pseuds/RDJ_luvet
Summary: When Steve wakes from the ice, he realizes that everything is different now, Howard is much much older, and he has a son. Steve adopts the boy and becomes his second dad, now he must live every day seeing the name of his dead best friend on the body of his son. (Oh yeah, this is a soulmate AU)





	1. Chapter 1

Steve always figured he would die for something great, he had hoped that the 'something great' would be his country. But now as he climbs into the pilot's seat and realizes that he's out of options, he starts to regret his past hopes.

The intercom crackles to life next to him, "Steve?..... Steve!?". Steve lets out a breathless laugh and starts to roll up his left uniform sleeve to get to the bright blue letters that extend from his elbow down to his wrist, Howard Anthony Walter Stark. When he was growing up he used to get weird looks if he wore short sleeve shirts, especially when he was going through the examination tests to try and join the army, because everyone knows who Howard Stark is, and to think that this short, skinny, asthmatic boy was his Soulmate, was simply outrageous.

Everyone used to tell him that he could go to the Stark Mansion and find Howard, but Steve has always thought that Soulmates should find each other without meaning to, simply be guided into each other without knowing it.

Steve smiles and lays a hand over his name, "Hey Howard, it's me", he says trying to contain his joy that the last thing he'll hear is his Soulmates voice. "Are, are you alright?", he hears Howard ask him timidly. Steve shrugs and takes a deep breath, "I guess... listen, Howard, I don't want you being lonely for the rest of your life, ok? I want- I need you to find someone else, either a friend, a companion, a- a spouse. Just find someone that makes you happy" he says as he starts to lower the ships nose down towards the water, ignoring how his voice had started to crack.

Howard is quiet for a moment, and then, "Steve, wh- Steve what the hell are you going on about now? you're okay, you said you were okay... Is- is this about Bucky? 'Cause if it is, he'd tell you to shut the hell up, we all kno-" Steve cuts him off, "No, Howard, this isn't about B- him, I promise. This plane is headed straight for New York, I gotta stop it- and before you start getting any ideas, there's not enough time for that. This isn't and never will be your fault, Baby, I don't want you blaming yourself for my decisions." Steve knows there's not much time left but he didn't want to leave any stone unturned.

"Howard... do you love me? please, say it, I- I need to hear it baby." he says begging for Howard to say the words he's been waiting for. "Yes, yes, Steve, I-I love you". Steve lets out a wet, happy laugh, not surprised to find tears on his face. "Good, that's good baby, or else this was gonna get real awkward.". He hears Howard chuckle and grins. "I love you too, I gotta say goodbye, sweetheart, you gotta let me say goodbye." Steve's voice cracks again but he doesn't care. "Steve, Steve no" Howard insists but Steve cuts him off again, he needed this, he knew they both did. "Howard, please, for me.".

The water was approaching quicker, but he needed to hear Howard say goodbye. Finally he hears the intercom crackle again "G- goodbye, Steve.". Steve grins and cries harder "Goodbye, Howard.". Steve brings his arm to his lips and kisses Howards name just as the plane hits the ice with a final BANG.


	2. Come On Stevie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve wakes up, it could've gone better.

Howard is sitting beside the small twin size bed designing a new type of bullet on his tablet and occasionally looking over to watch Steve's peaceful sleeping face. He's been doing the same thing for the last couple months, ever since SHIELD told him that they found Captain America encased in ice. 

His tablet gets notified that he has a new message, he looks at Steve before he opens the app and sees that it's from Maria, his ex wife. 

He reads the message, 'Are you still going to pick up Anthony tonight?' It reads. He sighs thinking about his life so far. 

About six years ago he had met a woman on a site meant for people who's soul mates have died or don't want to find their mate and are looking for a relationship. 

They dated for a year and then got married. They were married for 4 and a half years before they came to a mutual agreement that it wasn't working and decided to get a divorce. 

A few weeks after the divorce, Maria had met him at his house to tell him that she was pregnant and the baby was his.

He was extremely excited but also nervous. The pregnancy had gone well, and so had the birth, but a few days afterwards, he had gotten the call from SHIELD, now he had a four week old son Anthony who he was supposed to be taking to his house every other week for a week. 

He had missed the past couple weeks because he was focusing on Steve. He felt bad but he really wanted to be here when Steve woke up. 

He messages her back and tells her next week, he's been telling her this for the past few weeks so he knows she doesn't believe him. 

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and middle finger. 

He hears a sharp intake of breath to his left and turns his head so fast he hears his neck crack. 

Steve is just blinking his eyes open, and Howard sees his eyes go from fully dilated and unfocused to constricted and fully aware of his surroundings. After 37 years of not seeing his soul mate's beautiful blue eyes open and alert, Howard feels a tear rush down his face, "St-Steve...." He whispers. 

Steve whips his head over to Howard, immediately focusing on his face, the face that is oh so different from that 17 year old's whom he met in the army and who made him the perfect shield. 

"Wh-who-" Steve starts to ask him the question that has haunted his dreams for the past many years when he is cut off by the pull, the pull that they both feel between them. For years their bond had been incredibly strained, made impossibly worse the few times that Howard's blue words had drifted to a dull grey but then flickered back to life, showing just how long Steve had been fighting while buried under tons and tons of ice. It was horrid to think about, even now. 

"H-How-Howard?" He asked, his voice cracking and incredibly raspy from disuse all these years, Howard just thinks to get some ice chips when a big, strong hand is pushing him back from where he's subconsciously been leaning closer, being drifted along by the bond. 

He watches as Steve stands out his bed too fast and stumbles a bit, catches himself and sprints out of the room, picking up speed and knocking down the door on his way. 

'Well,' Howard thinks to himself as he rubs his chest where Steve had pushed him 'that could've gone better'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I changed the amount from seventy years to 37, and also I tweaked Howard's age a bit, so if you were too lazy to do the math like I was, Howard is 54 years old. 
> 
> Also, just in case it wasn't clear, when one person dies, the words on the other bodie turns grey, you should remember this because it will be very important later on ;) 
> 
> Anywho I hope you enjoyed, I fricken love this story and have so many incredible ideas that I hope you will enjoy as much as I do.


	3. Welcome Home

Steve runs, he runs and he runs, he feels free. 

He knocks over and runs through anything in his way, people included, they're shouting something but he doesn't hear it. His thoughts are too loud. 

He's thinking about his soulmate, Howard, how that couldn't possibly be him, the soulmate he knew was a 17 year old boy who took zero shit from anyone. That man in there.... Just wasn't his mate, he couldn't be, but he felt it, he had felt himself leaning into that man, even now, as he runs down hallway after hallway, he is fighting his soul to turn back around. 

He sees lights at the end of the hallway he's currently in and picks up speed, hoping for a way out of this nightmare. 

His wish is answered when he turns the corner and finds doors leading outdoors. But, instead of being greeted with trees and small cafes and people making small talk on the corner of streets like he was expecting, he gets blasted by the smells of gas and something else that smells delicious and seeing ginormous buildings and fast moving cars, and people screaming and horns honking. 

He stands still, taking it all in before he starts running again, tries to clear his head but every time he steps another horn is blowing and another car is screeching, all around him people are flashing things at him and whispering. 

He stumbles to a stop in the middle of cars, there's screens everywhere, some showing off a brightly colored M, others advertising movie titles, names so different from what they used to be, he spins in circles, his brain getting overflowed from all of his wild thoughts, and he knows, that without the serum, he would've fainted by now. He feels so over sensitized, he can't take this raging pain behind his eyes. He feels like he's having an asthma attack, but knows that that's impossible. 

"At ease, Soldier" and with those simple words he's blasted back to the present, he spins around and comes face to face with a man with an eyepatch dressed in all black. 

Steve momentarily forgets how to speak as he approaches him, but it doesn't seem to bother the man. "I'm sorry about how you had to find out, we meant to introduce you slowly, but I guess things don't always go as planned."

"Introduce what?" Steve asks him breathlessly, hyper aware of all the activity still going on around them. "You've been asleep Cap, for almost 40 years." 

It's like the shock of freezing water all over again, he tries to take big, deep breaths but still can't seem to get enough air into his lungs. All he can think is that man, that man was Howard, it wasn't a joke, this isn't a nightmare or some weird reality, this is his life, and his Soulmate is back there, waiting, and Steve left him again. 

"Are you gonna be ok?" He hears the man ask him, and Steve really thinks that question over, is he gonna be ok? He doesn't know. But he finds himself nodding anyway, he looks down at his forearm, where Howard's name shines a bright and brilliant blue. "Yeah, I just, I guess I have a date" he says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so yes, this chapter and the last two have been incredibly short, but like I said in the first chapter, these were like the previews, getting you guys caught up to where my story starts. All of the next chapters will be longer, I promise. 
> 
> I was so super duper excited to be done with these three chapters, because now I get to start showing you guys all of my ideas and what I've planned, I really, really hope you guys are as excited as I am and will like it. 
> 
> These three chapters were uploaded pretty fast, but please don't be expecting that throughout this whole fic, I'll try to upload every Friday, but, school does come first. 
> 
> Anywho, thanks to anybody who even reads the notes, and also thanks to anyone who bothers to leave kudos and comments.


	4. Trying

The man with the eye patch- Nick Fury, he had later told Steve, had led him to a small room that he said was now Steve's quarters, but he was still able to get an apartment off base later when he was better situated. 

The whole time, Steve had been keeping an eye out for Howard, but never seen him, but with all of the surveillance cameras, that didn't mean Howard didn't see him. 

A couple days after Steve has settled into his Shield he walks into his room one day after his run to find a pair of dog tags sitting on his desk. He picks them up and sees that they're his, the ones that he gave to Howard all those years ago. 

He picks them up and wraps them around his fingers. He has to find Howard, he leaves his room at a fast walking pace, leaving it up to his soul to find his other half, to guide them together as it has once before. 

He picks hallways and door at complete random, but it feels right so he keeps doing it until a couple minutes later he smacks into a big steel door that's locked and has a 'DO NOT DISTURB, I will shoot you' sign hung on it. Steve takes a couple deep breaths and opens the door. 

~~~~~~~~

Howard has been miserable, to put it lightly, absolutely miserable since Steve had pushed him away and ran off. He has started drinking again, something he promised himself he'd stop doing when Anthony was born. He feels like a failure for drinking again, but that just makes him drink more, so he's caught in an endless circle that he never wanted to be in again. 

He hasn't seen Maria or the boy since before Steve woke up, he's missed many meetings with them but still, he can't just get over Steve no matter how hard he tries. He looks down at his forearm and sees the bright blue letters of Steve Rogers and whips his half full bottle of whiskey across the room, listening to the satisfying smash. 

He huffs and drags his eyes to the deep red box sitting on top of his dresser, he stands up from his desk and walks over, gingerly picking it up and opening it. He carefully takes out the dog tags as if they could fall apart at any second. He runs his fingers over the name, he knew what he had to do, but it still hurt. He didn't think it would ever stop hurting. 

He shoves the chain in his pocket and aggressively wipes his eyes free of the moisture that was gathering there, he wanted to get this done as quickly as possible, there was no point in being sentimental. 

He takes a deep breath, mentally preparing himself, before he opens the door, there's no one nearby so he goes out and closes his door, walking down the halls to the room that he's memorized these past few days with how many times he's checked the security footage in and out of the room, he's also spent a good couple hours just walking to the room, raising his fist to knock, and then chickening out at the last second. That's been his routine for the past couple days, which is partly why he feels like he has to return the tags, to let Steve go- for both of their benefits. 

He takes all the right turns until he gets to the door, it looks just like all the rest, but it's special because it houses one of the most important Americans. He stands in front of it for a moment before putting a decoder onto the lock, he knows that Steve is out on a run right now, so he has roughly an hour before he's in the danger zone. But just in case, he figures he should still get this over with as soon as possible. 

The device beeps, abruptly dragging him from his thoughts, he looks down to see that the door is now open a crack, he takes the device back and opens the door slowly, he peeks his head in first before opening the door the rest of the way. The room really isn't all that impressive, it's very impersonal, only the clothes neatly folded on the bed the sign that someone actually lives here, and the sketchbook lying on the desk with a standard 2HB pencil and eraser carelessly thrown on top of it. 

He takes the dog tags out of his pocket with his eyes closed, he doesn't want to look at them- he can't. He sets them down on the desk and is just about to leave, he is, but his eyes catch the sketchbook and he can't help himself. "Aw hell" he grumbles as he closes the door again and picks up the book, he opens it and sees that the first page is empty, but that's not a surprise, Steve never drew on the first few pages because he'd always pressure himself into drawing something amazing on those pages, and the anxiety would get too high about trying to impress some unknown person that he'd mess up every single attempt, so eventually he just stopped trying and left those pages blank. 

Howard skims through the pages until he finds a couple pages littered with ink, he opens it to those pages and feels his eyes water with sadness. There's a beautiful drawing of Bucky, the whole page grey except for his eyes, those are the same cold, breathtakingly icy blue eyes that Howard still remembers to this day. He flips the page after running a finger down the drawn cheek of his old friend, a friend who died way to young. 

The next page make the unshed tears fall, it's a drawing of Peggy, the Peggy he used to know, the young and brave and the one that would snap your neck if you were to make a comment about her beauty. Not the one he knows now, the old and, still brave, and, well yes, she would still snap your neck. He supposes not much has changed about her on the inside, only the outside. 

He turns the page, looks at it for about three seconds before his emotions get the best of him and he snaps the book closed, thinking of the drawing he just seen, it was him, well, it used to be him, back when he was just a boy trying to do something good for his country and it's soldiers. He opens the door and flees, he goes down to his workshop that's just a few floors below Steve's. He spends the next hour making a new type of bullet, taking his mind off of what he seen in the book and how he's so much different now. He doesn't look up when someone opens the door "go away Phil, I'm almost done, then I'll go home." He says, thinking Coulson was back to pester him again about taking better care of him self. 

"Erm, I'm not Phil.... But, I don't want you to leave..." He hears a sad voice say from behind him, but not just any voice, he'd never forget this voice, never. This is the voice of his Soulmate. 

~~~~~~~

When Steve opens the door, he sees the back of somebody's head, but from the way his arm is throbbing and subconsciously reaching forward to try to get closer, he knows it Howard. He really doesn't look all that different from the back, his hair is a lot lighter than the dark brown it used to be, his shoulders are also more broad, and his back is more hunched. But the way that he's completely absorbed in whatever the hell he's working on, is so familiar it aches. Howard's voice startles him out of his thoughts "Go away Phil, I'm almost done, then I'll go home." He almost whimpers, because that's the same voice, if not a bit more deeper and raspier, but nonetheless, the same. 

"Erm, I'm not Phil.... But I don't want you to leave...." Steve says, stumbling on his words and how much weight they really hold. Steve watches as he straightens up in his chair but doesn't turn to look at you. "Ho-Howard" Steve chokes out, right before his body gives out and he stumbled the few steps needed to reach Howard and bends himself in half in order to get low enough to bury his face in Howard's neck. 

He feels it when Howard stiffens but then relaxes, relaxes even more when Steve's touches their marks together on the desk in front of Howard. He doesn't know how long they stay like that, probably longer than it seemed. Eventually, he feels Howard try to move, and instinctively try's to hold on tighter, wrapping one arm around Howard's chest and the other around his wrist. He's not letting Howard get away, not this time. But Howard just chuckles and awkwardly pats the top of Steve's head, "it's ok, I was just going to stand up." He explains. Steve blushes and let's go "oh, I'm sorry, I just missed you." He says. Howard stands up, and Steve realizes that he's as tall as him now. Steve looks down at his shoes, until he feels a finger under his chin, lifting his face back up. "Baby, you have no idea how much I've missed YOU" Howard says shaking his head before wrapping his arms around Steve's back. Steve immediately responds, loving the feeling of having his soulmate so close to him again. He didn't realize how much he really did miss Howard until right now, when he can feel the muscles in Howard's back moving with every breath, smell him, smell the smell of Howard, gun powder, alcohol and all. 

It's Howard, that's the only thing that matters right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so yes, that just happened, but it's ok, I promise, and now we can finally FINALLY get this show on the road. 
> 
> I'm not very good at writing conversations or touchy feely things, you could probably tell, but, I'm trying to get better and hopefully you'll notice a difference in my writing style in the chapters to come. 
> 
> Thanks again for the kudos and comments, they give me inspiration to keep writing.


	5. Hello Again

Steve was just buttoning up his blue plaid shirt, he is meeting Howard in about an hour for coffee at a small café a few streets down. He said he needed to talk to him, and Steve was trying very hard not to jump to the worst conclusion. But, it was hard, they've been together now for a week, and it's been great, they've spent every single day and night together since Steve had cornered him in his workshop. They've shared many hugs, a few kisses, and hold hands every chance they got. They had been spending the night together platonically the last few nights, just so they could hold each other. 

It was odd, to Steve, it felt like it had only been about a month since he had held his Soulmate, but his body was absolutely starved for his mates touch, as was Howard's. Steve stood in front of his full length mirror, taking in his body, it still amazed him, how he still wasn't used to it, he still bangs his shoulders into doorways because he isn't used to the broadness of them, sometimes he'll automatically go on his tippy toes to reach a cup or plate and then remember that he can reach now. When that happens, he sometimes expects Bucky to throw an arm around his shoulders and make fun of him. 

Steve shakes his head at himself and wipes at his eyes, he hasn't stopped thinking of him since the second he heard his scream while falling off of that damn train, but that doesn't make it any less painful. Steve shakes his head, now's not the time to think about him, not when he has to meet Howard.

He finishes combing his hair and rolls up the sleeves to just below his elbow, showing off his mark, he straightens his shirt for what feels like the fiftieth time and probably is. He can't help that he's nervous, even though the rational part of him knows he shouldn't be. He pulls on his running shoes and grabs his motorcycle helmet. Leaving his quarters and heading down to the Shield garage. He takes a moment to admire the beauty that is his jet black and navy blue Harley Davidson Street Bob. Shield had given it to him three days ago to help him get settled, and he has only had a chance to drive it twice. He buckles his helmet and climbs on, driving out of the garage and speeding towards the café, only doing 3 over the speed limit because he doesn't dare do more, a fact that Howard teased him about mercilessly. 

A few short minutes later, he was pulling up in front of the café, he takes off his helmet before going inside, his arm is pulling him to the right so he turns his head and sees Howard already here, picking apart his muffin in what Steve recognizes to be a nervous gesture. He walks over and Howard stands up to hug him. Steve buries his face in Howard's neck, relishing in the feeling just in case it is bad news. Steve reluctantly lets go and they both sit, their feet tangling together under the table automatically. 

A waiter comes by and Steve two double chocolate muffins with a coffee. They sit in wary silence for a moment before Howard takes a deep breath. "Steve, I uh, I have to tell you something." Howard says, Steve looks up from his donut immediately "what is it?". Howard fiddles with his watch "I, um, I don't know how else to say it but... I have a child- a-a son." He chokes out turning his gaze away from Steve because he doesn't want to see his reaction in case it's a negative one. 

Steve feels like he's been hit by a truck, but the more he thinks it over in his head, he supposes it makes sense. He knows that Howard has been married, hell, he'd met Maria just the other day while walking around Shield. Everything that's been suspicious these past weeks now make sense, Howard whispering on the phone to someone about not being able to pick someone up, and Howard smiling down at his phone at some picture that someone had sent him. Steve's not mad, upset, or jealous, or anything else that he feels he should be, after all, he had been the one to tell Howard to move on after him. It makes sense that he would have a child. 

"Howard.... When can I meet him?" Steve asks, watching as Howard lifts his head up and full on grins at him, his eyes and mouth crinkling, but Steve thinks his laugh lines make him all the more beautiful. Howard scratches nervously at his neck now, "well, actually, we have to meet them at my house in twenty minutes." He says, "sorry, I mean, we don't have to, I can call Maria, I'm sorry, I just figured that it would be easier, less nerve racking, and I haven't seen the kid in a while, so..." Steve cuts his rambling off by reaching across the table and taking his hand. "Howie, it's ok, I'd love to meet him, I don't care if it's right now." Steve says shutting up all of Howard's previous doubts with that one sentence and leaning farther across the table to meet him for a kiss, getting lost in the feeling of Howard's lips against his. 

Multiple times Howard tried to pull away but Steve would rein him back in, until Howard chuckled and pulled back for real, "Stevie, we really gotta go or we're gonna be late." He says. Steve whines but pecks Howard's lips one last time "I guess if we must, we must" he says standing up and snapping on his helmet. Howard nods and stands up too "you drove that thing?" Howard asks him raising an eyebrow at the helmet. 

Howard didn't like motorcycles, he didn't think they were safe or reliable. He was much more comfortable in one of his many sports cars. "Yes, I did" Steve says taking his hand as they pay and walk outside to where Steve's bike is parked in front of a fancy red thing- Steve didn't know nearly as much about cars as he did motorcycles. 

Steve leans over and pecks Howard's cheek and then hops on his bike, leaving Howard to frown disapprovingly at Steve. "Don't worry Howie, now let's go" he says waiting until Howard has gotten into his car before taking off ahead of him. The whole way across the city to Howard's home Steve was extra careful when turning corners but did sometimes lean more than what was necessary, just because he knew that Howard was watching his every move from behind him, and Steve was a little shit. 

When he pulls up in front of the beautiful old brick house, more like mansion, he turns around on his seat and grins at Howard who is just getting out of his car shaking his head "you and that thing are gonna be the death of me." He says. Steve's heart gives a little ping at the mere thought of Howard dying, but he shakes it off, he's been trying to live in the joy of the moment recently. 

"Stop whining" Steve tells him as they walk into the house hand in hand because right now their bond is so incredibly fragile that they can't stand it when they're close but aren't touching. 

Once inside Howard leads him to the living room and they sit on one of the many soft couches there. Howard looks at his watch and smiles "we have time, whatchya wanna do?" He drawls at Steve, already leaning forward to catch Steve in a searing kiss. Steve just grunts and grins, turning his body to face Howard more to get a better angle. 

He doesn't know how long they kiss for, it seems like hours, but before he knows it Steve hears somebody clear their throat right above his head. He and Howard break apart with a gasp, Steve's face beat red as he turns to see Maria standing a few feet away from them, one hand on her hip and the other carefully holding a baby carrier. 

Steve is shocked to see the baby carrier, when Howard said he had a child, he was expecting a 9-16 year old, definitely not a baby. But nonetheless he immediately stand up, first disentangling himself from Howard's arms, to give Maria a one armed hug, Howard giving her another and a small kiss on the cheek before they all sit back down on the couch, Maria sitting beside Steve with the baby carrier in the middle of them. It has a bright red blanket covering it so he can't actually see inside yet. 

"Gosh, I'm sorry, I promise I'm not normally that...." Steve starts trying to find a good word to describe his 'behavior' with Howard. Maria smiles at him and pats his knee "human?" She questions him with a warm smile. Steve somehow blushes harder and nods because honestly, he doesn't know how to answer that.

"I suppose you want to meet the little trouble now?" She asks him starting to take off the red blanket. "Yeah, I mean yes" Steve stammers, he's not sure why he's so nervous, but he is, that is until Howard pats his knee reassuringly. Steve watches intently as the blanket comes away to reveal first a fluffy mop of brown curls, and then the scrunched up face of a little guy who clearly doesn't like being jostled around while he's trying to sleep. Then he sees the tiny little feet and little 'Cars' pajamas with some sort of red race car with a face on the front- surely from some modern movie or show that he hasn't seen yet. Steve can't help but smile down at the sleeping face of a boy that he doesn't know it yet, but will one day be his son.

"Would you like to hold him?" Maria asks him. Steve nods excitedly "he just had a bottle before we came over, so he shouldn't be very fussy" she tells him while unbuckling his little straps. Steve just nods again, he doesn't think he remembers how to make words. Before he knows it Howard has stood up to carefully take the baby out of his carrier, supporting his tiny head and back. 

Steve holds out his hands to mimic Howard's and when Howard places him in his arms he's overcome by how light he is, and small. "What's his name" Steve whispers. He hears Maria smack Howard's bicep, "you never told him his name? And you call yourself a genius" she mocks him, then turns a lighter tone on Steve "his name is Anthony, Anthony Edward Stark" she tells him. 

"Hello Tony" he says, using the nickname that he remembered people using for 'Anthony'. He watches in amazement as Tony scrunches up his face and then yawns the biggest, cutest toothless yawn, before opening his eyes to reveal shiny caramel eyes, so like Howard but also so different. 

In this very moment, with Tony's incredibly expressive eyes shining up at him, while also kicking his leg up in the air, he'll later look back at this moment as the exact moment that he fell in love with the boy, and realized that he'd do anything for this kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I know that I did a pretty big time jump here, but that's because this story is supposed to be centered around Steve and Tony, mostly Tony, so I don't want to spend too long fucking around with Steve and Howard's relationship. Sorry for my language XD
> 
> And yes, I know that technically babies don't get their eye color until their older, but I love the thought of a little brown eyed baby Tony, let me indulge in peace!! 
> 
> Anyway, I'll probably update this sometime near Tuesday or Wednesday because this was admittedly a short chapter. So yeah, don't expect to have to wait as long this time.


	6. Trouble

Maria and Howard had decided last minute that he and Steve would take Anthony for the next two weeks, Fury understanding and let them have the time off from training and inventing. That was two hours ago, since then, Steve hasn't put Tony down, finding some unknown comfort in the feel of him cradled in his arm, the other gently tracing the side of his peaceful sleeping face, feeling the soft fuzzy skin. He watches as the little features scrunch up when he brushes a particularly sensitive patch of skin, but then Steve will soothe away the furrowed winkles with a few brushes of his fingers. 

He doesn't know how long he just sits there, Howard is making lunch for them, he has no idea what's it going to be though. He smiles to himself when, just after thinking about how he is kind of hungry, he feels lips on the back of his neck. "Grilled cheese and tomato soup?" Howard asks with his mouth still pressed against Steve's neck. Steve nods, not quite wanting to look away yet. 

Howard moves his head to rest over Steve's shoulder, watching his son's little face wrinkle up when Steve's fingers trace down and over his tiny button nose. "He's really something, ain't he?" Steve asks, completely mesmerized. "Sure is. Now c'mon, my soup is gettin cold, besides, he probably wants to sleep in his bed rather than that carrier." Howard says leaning back and standing up straight. "Yeah you're probably right" Steve says stroking down the baby's face one last time before fixing him in his arms and standing up and following Howard into a room right across Howard's- theirs. He corrects himself, still not used to being able to share a room with Howard. 

The room is red- he's sensing a trend, with a sleek black changing table with a matching crib. There's also a couple stuffed toys and bears scattered throughout the room. But yet, it still doesn't seem like it's been used. He carefully lays the boy down in the crib, stroking some dark curls off of his forehead. "How old is he?" He asks Howard quietly. Howard doesn't answer for a second, then "he's almost six weeks" he tells Steve, weary for the reaction. Steve is shocked, but not really, just by looking at the baby, he could tell that he was incredibly young, but still. That means that he was born just a couple weeks before Steve woke up, and maybe he's really sappy, but he can't help thinking that maybe this was all meant to be, that they would have a baby by the time they got back together and they would become a happy family after all the years of not even seeing each other. 

"Steve?" He hears Howard ask him, waiting for his response. Steve just swallows thickly, not wanting to sound like some love struck poet or something, "he's just, really little" Steve says, tucking the blanket up over the boy from where he's already kicked it off, Steve can already tell he's going to be a handful when he's older. 

Howard hums in response and takes Steve's hand, slowly trying to pull him away from the crib. Steve giggles a bit "ok, ok, but he's just so darn cute" he says gently stroking across Anthony's forehead with two fingers. "I know. Now c'mon Rafiki" Howard says. Steve looks at him confusedly. "Yeah, yeah, we'll watch it later today, you'll love it." He tells him him patting his broad back. "Now let's go, I'm serious, I hate cold soup." Howard says tugging more insistently. "Mmhmm" Steve says, finally turning around and following Howard into the kitchen. 

There's a man at the sink hand washing a pot, this is odd because the other day Howard was explaining to him about a dishwasher. He looks to Howard for an explanation. 

"Oh, Steve, this is Edwin Jarvis, Jarvis, this is my mate, Steve Rogers." Steve watches as the man, turns towards them while drying his hands on a towel. "Edwin Jarvis, I've heard a lot about you" the man- Edwin says in a surprisingly British accent, extending his hand to shake, Steve takes it "Steve Rogers, it's a pleasure." He says politely. Not yet realizing the impact that this man will one day make in his life, and in his sons. 

"Now if you'll please excuse me gentlemen, I want to finish here and go make Ana dinner." He says exiting the room after putting the pot onto the drying rack. 

During lunch they talk about Tony, Steve asks him all sorts of questions, from who's that red car character that's on his pajamas (Howard just says that they'll watch it later) to what Tony's schedule is like. They go like this until Steve asks a question that makes Howard freeze with his sandwich halfway to his mouth. "Does he have his soulmark yet?" Howard nonchalantly lays down his grilled cheese and takes a drink of his water. "Umm, no, not yet, but we're waiting." He lies. Howard watches as Steve absorbs this information like he has everything else before relaxing again. He doesn't feel good about lying to Steve, but he also doesn't have any idea how to lay the news on him gently. But he vows to figure it out soon. Really soon. 

}{}{}{}{}{}{

Later they do end up watching Cars, and then The Lion King. 

The next weeks goes just as smoothly, they watch Disney movies and other animated movies that are both appropriate for a baby and also help get Steve caught up. 

Everything goes fine until Saturday night when Steve is woken up to a baby crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gasp* what's happening?!?! Stick around to find out, but it's probably not as serious as you might be anticipating. 
> 
>  
> 
> Ok, so this chapter is kind of like a part two from last chapter, it takes place right after, that's why I posted this chapter so early, that and the last one was so short, in fact I might just add this chapter to that one, I'm not sure yet.


	7. Souls

Steve lied there for a few seconds while his brain caught up to his ears. He reached a hand out to feel Howard's side of the bed, it was cold, meaning either, Howard was with Tony right now, or he had snuck off to his lab sometime in the night. He knew it was going to happen sometime, he could see plainly that Howard was getting antsy without working and inventing. He understood. 

With that thought, Steve sits up out of bed to go see Tony, he checks the time, 3:48, he yawns as he treks through the bedroom and across the hall. This is his first time getting up with Tony, or really doing anything with him aside from holding him or feeding him his bottle. Anytime he starts to get fussy because of a full diaper, or needs to change his little footie pajamas, or it was bath time, Howard hurries ahead of him, he figured that Howard was just being nice, and not trying to throw all of the work on Steve. 

He walks into the room dimply lit by a white tinted night light, Tony is still crying in his crib, restlessly moving his arms and legs unhappily, somehow so different from the happy way he normally waves his little limbs. "Oh, shh shh shh" he coos as he reaches in and gently cradles the boy in his arms. "Oh, baby, no, shh shh, it's ok" he continues blabbering nonsense to try and calm him down. 

The full on wailing stops and makes way for grumpy little sniffles. Steve gently sets him vertically against his chest, settling his head on his shoulder. He feels two tiny fists grab hold of his shirt and little feet kicking against his chest. "Ok, shh, shh, it ok" he says while rubbing his back, he leans his head down to smell the baby's bottom, it needs to be changed. 

He gently sways while also walking over to the changing table. He gently sets him down on it, rubbing little circles on the boys tiny tummy as he reaches above into the shelves to get everything he needs. This is hardly the first diaper he's had to change, growing up in an orphanage in the 1940's tends to give you certain 'skills' like making sure baby's don't fall off of the bed while also trying to give them a clean diaper. 

He finds hand sanitizer, baby powder, baby wipes, and a stack of clean diapers. He holds one up to look at how tiny it is, and it's not the cloth ones he used to use with safety pins. This might be a bit harder than he before thought. 

He sets out all of the things he might need, and gently picks up Tony again to reach the buttons on the back, they had to dress him in these types of onzies at night because he's developed the habit of stripping himself. Once he gets them all undone he sets him back down, he starts to fuss when Steve lets him go, so Steve continues to rub his belly, soothing him immediately. 

He carefully takes his arms out of the sleeves, and then pulls it down his Tony torso. But as he gets to his legs, he freezes. Completely freezes, dropping the small piece of fabric. Slowly he takes a deep breath and moves the pajamas again, feeling his breath stop in his throat because there, right there high up on Tony's tiny chubby left thigh, in bright red letters written in that same chicken scratch scrawl that Steve grew up with, is the name James Buchanan Barnes. 

Steve suddenly hears fast footsteps come down the hall. He sluggishly turns his head towards the doors just in time to see Howard skid to a stop. "What?" Steve chokes out, not managing words. Howard looks down and opens his mouth like he was about to say something but then his gaze is drawn over to the changing table. 

Steve realizes that Tony started to cry again. Howard walks around Steve to get to him, hesitating only for a second when he sees the name. He makes short work of the old diaper, quickly and effectively cleaning him up and then sprinkling some baby powder on the boys bottom and putting on the new diaper. He does this all in complete silence, not even a glance in Steve's direction. 

Steve watches quietly as Howard puts on a clean pair of pajamas and then picks Tony up and goes and places him in the crib, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. Steve looks and sees that Tony fell back asleep sometime during that process. 

"How-" Steve starts but then Howard brings a finger up to his lips in the international sign for 'shh'. Steve nods dumbly, following Howard back across the hall and into their room. Once there Steve hops up onto the bed that still feels way too soft and crosses his legs, facing the corner of the room where Howard had just sat in the armrest.

"Howie?" Steve whispers, impatiently waiting for an answer. "You know, I wanted to tell you, and I never meant to be having this conversation at 4 in the morning.... But here we are." Howard says releasing a humorless chuckle. 

Steve doesn't answer him for a while, then "do you think this is my fault? Because I left you? Or because- because I didn't catch him? Do you think the universe is trying to punish us?" Steve asks trying his best not to fall apart, his mind kept replaying the image of the bright red letters, and the fact that they were red, not the stone grey that he would of expected. 

"Steve, hey, baby, no, don't go there. It's no ones fault, and if it was anyone's it'd be mine, I'm the one who had an affair with someone who wasn't you, and that boy in there is the result of such relations. So, if you want to blame someone, you can blame me. Not you." Howard says standing up and laying his hands on Steve's shoulders. 

Steve drops his head down onto his chest, feeling himself choke up in anticipation of his next words, "The name was red, it was red, not- not grey" Steve whispers. Howard sighs, "I know baby, but hey," he hooks a finger under Steve's chin and nudges his head up to meet his gorgeous baby blue eyes. "We'll figure this out, ok?" He waits until Steve nods to continue, "We might not have the answers right now, but I'm certain that we will, hopefully soon. Now, are you ok?" He asks. Steve starts to nod, but then shakes his head and whispers "no." Just loud enough so Howard can hear him.

Howard sighs again "I know, baby, c'mon, let's go to bed, ok?" He asks gently pushing back on Steve's shoulders to encourage him to scoot back. Steve shakily climbs under the warm covers- including his heating blanket that Howard have him once Steve expressed how much he hated the cold- and waits until Howard comes around the other side and joins him. As soon as Howard lies down, Steve turns to lay his head on Howard's chest and wrap an arm around his waist. He feels a hand bury itself in his hair. 

Steve doesn't get much sleep that night. 

}{}{}{}{}{}{

The rest of the week goes fairly smoothly, he and Howard don't talk about the elephant in the room, or in this case, the baby in the room. Steve does change diapers and help at bath time now, he just doesn't look at Tony's leg, he wants to feel guilty for that, but he also knows that Tony and Howard both need him right now, so he can't let himself be emotionally unavailable.

When Maria comes and picks up Tony, he's both saddened and relieved to see him go, but after an hour, he misses him so much he's tempted to ask Howard if they can take him again. 

They don't. Instead, they take the time to relearn each other's bodies, and how to live and breathe together. Steve thinks it's been a pretty amazing week, regardless of the setback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you could tell or not, but I literally know absolutely nothing about babies, so that diaper changing scene is from info I gathered from Google like 2 minutes before I wrote it. Please feel free to correct any mistakes I may have (probably) made during that scene and I'll fix it. 
> 
> Ok, so now we should be back on track, this week was full of confusion as far as this story is concerned. But I had to do something with those two short chapters and I didn't think it was fair to make you wait a week for a short ass chapter. 
> 
> The next chapter is just going to be a bunch of time skips because I really really want to get this story moving, and I think that that's the best way to do it. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are highly appreciated. Let me know what you think!!


	8. Catch Up With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be a bit confusing, and I apologize if it is, just bear with me please. It features a couple time jumps, but it will be worth it in the end. By the way, feel free to skip the freekin NOVEL I wrote in the end notes, I don't really expect y'all to read it.

Over the next couple months, a lot of things happen, Steve and Howard got married in January, because they both love the look of snow, even though Steve now absolutely hates the cold. Steve has adopted Tony, normally the agencies would never allow that to happen when both of the biological parents are still in the picture, but in this case they made a special exception, after all, who could deny Captain America when he gets pouty. 

Now, since Tony is 4 months old, he spends most of his time with Steve and Howard, Maria is busy right now with the Maria Stark Foundation, so they needed to always be ready for when Maria was called away somewhere, eventually they came to a mutual agreement that Tony was happier not being moved around everywhere so Steve and Howard would have him full time and Maria would visit whenever she could. 

None of this came as a disappointment to Steve, as he was completely head over heels for the boy. He and Howard have already started the 'say daddy!' 'No! Say papa!' Fights. Even though Tony just giggles toothlessly at them. 

Recently Steve has signed a contract with Shield to started training with someone called Agent Romanoff. At first he had expressed his discomfort with training against a woman, but the agents had all raised an eyebrow and snickered at him. He had been confused as to why then. But now, after just two minutes on the mats with her, with him getting repeatedly thrown onto his back, he understands why. While trying to get his intestines to be properly arranged again, he silently vows to never underestimate a female again. 

Romanoff seems to realize his decision and immediately lays off of him, a bit. Now it takes about 20 seconds for her to get bored and throw him down. The last time his back hits the mats, he doesn't try to get up, just lies there and groans. She steps over top of him and grins down at him. "I didn't break you too bad did I? Fury'd kill me." 

He groans and sits up "don't imagine Howard would be too happy." He says taking her offered hand and let's her pull him up. She laughs "well, you lasted longer than Coulson did, and no one's beat him before." She tells him picking up their stuff to go to the change rooms. 

They part ways after quick showers, Steve hobbling along like an old man. 

}{}{}{}{}{}{ 

The ride back home is filled with thoughts of how much he missed Tony. Maria had him all day yesterday, but while he was at Shield she had dropped him off with Howard. Steve knows it's silly, but even just a day gone by without seeing his little boy is like hell. Howard is great and all, but he's not a giggling little 5 month old who, no matter how many times Steve blows up his cheeks, still thinks it's hilarious. 

Steve pulls into the garage and takes off his helmet, running a couple hands through his hair. He takes a deep breath, taking in the smell of leather and motor oil- mostly motor oil. He doesn't know why, but he's always loved this smell, he suspects it has something to do with who his soulmate is. 

He climbs off and heads up stairs. He's greeted with silence, he checks his watch, 12:41, so that means that Tony's napping and Howard is either napping as well, or he's down in the workshop. Tony is supposed to wake up at one, so he runs down to the workshop to say hello to Howard. 

}{}{}{}{}{

(A year and a bit later)

They're all watching The Lady and the Tramp. Howard and Maria are sitting together on the couch closest to Steve, while Steve is stretched out on his back on the love seat with his knees and feet hanging off the end. Tony is curled up on his chest, with his head facing the screen, but his eyelids are slowly drooping shut. 

Tony just turned two last week, but Maria couldn't make it then, so later tonight when she has to fly to Malibu, she's going to take Tony with her, to give them some bonding time, and to also give Steve and Howard some alone time- to which they are truly grateful for, even though it means two weeks without seeing Tony. 

Right now Tony can walk, it's a little wobbly, and sometimes he still falls down, he can also talk, most of it is still blabber and nonsense, but he recognizes Steve as DaDa, Howard as PaPa, and Maria as MaMa. He also knows a few other words, like Screwdriver (stewdiber) and Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich (Eanut Buttah nd Douwy Sandwit). He also loves it when his belly or back is rubbed. Whenever he's sick or restless, Steve will lie with him and just rub his back or belly until he's asleep. In fact, right now, as Steve and Tony lie together lazily watching the movie, Steve is slowly rubbing circles into his back. 

Steve looks around, at Howard and Maria talking quietly with each other about something, and then down at Tony, watching his long, dark eyelashes blink slowly, almost on the brink of falling asleep, he thinks about how perfect his little family is, and how incredibly lucky he is to be a part of it. 

He is also a bit saddened though, that he can't help but feel as though something is missing, or rather, someone. This feeling he has gets worse when he sees the name on Tony's small body. 

Steve thinks to himself though, that this moment right here, right now, is a perfect moment, a moment that he vows to never forget. 

Steve doesn't know it yet, but in a couple hours, he will realize that all perfect moments have to end, but he never expected it to end quite this badly, or severely, having an impact on all of the years to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GASP!!! What's gonna happen?! I dunno... But you'll find out soon. 
> 
> So, this chapter is kinda short, and it is also late, a lot of shits has happened recently, so this chapter was a bit late, I apologize. 
> 
> I will be having surgery on November 10, so for at least a week afterwards I can guarantee I won't be writing anything, so I'm busting my ass right now to get a couple chapters ahead of what I normally have done. On Nov. 9 I'll probably post two chapters. 
> 
> Anywho, thanks to anyone who still reads this story, or any newcomers, comments and kudos very much appreciated.


	9. Tragedy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEEEKKK!! I wanna apologize in advance, but it had to happen for this to make sense. I'm also an angsty motherfucker.

Saying goodbye to Tony was the hard part, as he holds him in his arms, with his little face tucked into his neck, he realizes that he's not prepared, at all, to say goodbye to his baby for two whole weeks. 

But still, he has to put on his brave face as to not upset Tony further, "cmon little big man, you're gonna have so much fun, you're gonna go to the beach, and get icecream, and you're gonna get it all over your face, and your nose, because we both know how messy you are" he says while pressing kisses to Tony's cheeks and nose, making him giggle and swipe at his face. 

"Dada, stoppit" he whines, digging his face into Steve's shoulder. "Okay. Okay, I will.... After this" he says right before lifting Tony up high enough to blow a raspberry on his tummy, smiling as he listens to Tony squeal with delight. 

He waits for the giggles to die down before squeezing him one more time, pressing a kiss to his messy curls, "I'll miss you buddy, and we'll call you every single day." He says waiting for Tony to nod before handing him off to Maria, who tucks him on her hip. 

He and Howard watch as they walk out the door, Maria encouraging Tony to wave at them, he does so with a sad smile. Steve smiles back and waves him out, but as soon as the door closes he collapses into Howard's chest, breathing deeply. "That was awful." He says as he feels Howard's fingers run through his hair. 

"I know baby doll, but cmon, we have 13 days alone together and I expect to spend at least 10 of those days naked." He says taking Steve's hands and pulling him off in the direction of their bedroom. 

Steve chuckled and followed along, thinking that maybe this isn't so bad, if he gets to spend his days with his husband in bed.

}{}{}{}{}{}{

Steve is woken to the sound of frantic knocking against his door. He groans and sits up, nudging Howard's shoulder. "Howie, Howie, what the hell?" He asks grumpily, climbing out of bed and towards the door, having enough sense to pull on a pair of sweat pants lying on the floor. 

He looks over to Howard, making sure he's covered as he blearily rubs his eyes in bed, Steve turns back and opens the door, facing a Edwin Jarvis shaking with anxiety written all through the much more defined worry lines. 

Steve feels a rock drop into his stomach "what happened?" He asks, wary of the answer. Edwin is breathless as he replies "it's Maria, and Anthony, their car crashed on the way to the airport." He manages to get out. 

Steve feels like his whole world just turned upside down, that rock in his stomach just turned into a massive boulder, distantly he feels his body rushing to get dressed. His ears are ringing but he knows that Howard is on the phone with someone. 

The next hour passes in a blur of sounds and colors, he manages to pick up only a few words in his daze 'Car Crash' Accidental' 'died at the scene' 'in critical care' 'don't know much else'. 

The next thing Steve knows is that when he blinks open his eyes next, he sees Howard's sad brown eyes and he's kneeling in front of him. His mouth is moving but no sound is coming out, so Steve squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head before opening them again, immediately getting suffocated by the rush of noise. 

"Come on Steve, we're here, let's go, are you ok? Steve?" Steve starts to nod, but stops halfway through and shakes his head instead. "I know, but it's gonna be ok, he's a fighter, just like you." Howard says, lifting Steve's hand in his own and pressing a kiss to his knuckles. 

Steve can only nod and let Howard pull him up, hooking their arms together. Steve thinks to himself that if it wasn't for his serum, he would've passed out by now, instead he and Howard are led off of Howard's jet that Steve didn't realize they were on, and through a lot of sterile, white, brightly lit hallways. 

Steve doesn't know where they're being taken to, doesn't even bother trying to memorize their turns. Then they come to a doorway marked Critical Care Unit. Steve doesn't know if he would rather push through the door, or sit out in the hallway and never find out what lies on the other side. But, he ends up following behind Howard and a woman who he assumes is a doctor based on her attire. 

The first thing he notices, is the bed, and then all of the beeping and flashing machines surrounding it. Of course, then he notices the bed again, or, more specifically, the little boy in the bed. Steve almost wants to fall over as he takes in his already tiny baby boy, somehow made to look even more small in the standard sized hospital bed. 

It seems that Tony has just about a million different tubes and wires attached to him, and some running under the blanket. The doctor asks them to sit down so he and Howard take up the two seats beside the bed. The doctor stands at the end and reads a chart for a few moments. 

Finally she signs a paper and then regards them with probably one of the most empathetic looks Steve has ever been given. She goes on to explain that the car had lost control for reasons still unknown, and it had spun off of the road into a tree. When ambulance arrived to the scene, Maria was already dead, Tony was unconscious in the back seat, the doctor said that it was a miracle he was even alive, considering his door had been ripped off, and his left leg had been completely torn off from the top of his knee down. 

She pauses, letting them absorb this new information before continuing to tell them more details about the damage done to his poor little boy, such as a dislocated shoulder, a serious concussion, 1 broken rib, three cracked, and a dislocated hip. All on the left side of him.

As she explains that all of the nursing staff and doctors on this whole floor have been sworn into secrecy and signed many forms to make sure that any and all information regarding the Stark-Rogers family stay away from any prying eyes. Soon though, her voice begins to fade away as Steve once again faces the delicate figure of his son. 

Now that Steve is looking for it, he sees that there is no lump under the blanket where his left leg should be, his messy curly hair is shaved away on one side of his head to make way for a long line of stitches, his left arm is also in a cast and a sling. Steve watches as Tony wrinkles his nose in his sleep, but then it smooths out again. 

"When will he wake up?" He hears himself cut off the doctor, but where one time he would've felt bad, right now he doesn't care. "He was unconscious when they brought him in, but now were keeping him sedated for at least a couple days, to give his body time to rest, and also to make sure he's as comfortable as possible right now. We also need to stay on top of his pain level, and the best way to do that at this point in time, is to keep him sedated." She explains lightly. 

Steve nods in understanding and goes to touch Tony's hand, only to stop himself at the last second. "Can- can I touch him" he croaks out. "Of course, also feel free to talk to him, he can probably hear us right now, judging on his brain patterns, so your voice will help keep him relaxed, he's probably scared, and confused right now."

Steve nods again, gently taking Tony's hand in his, marveling at the way his hand completely covers Tony's little pudgy fingers. "Hey Tones, you're alright now, everything's okay. You really gave me a heart attack kid. But it's fine now, you're ok." Steve feels Howard squeeze his shoulder just as a tiny tear slips out of Tony's closed eye, falling all the way down the side of his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okie dokie, so that just happened. Now, I'm no nurse or doctor or whatever, and the only knowledge I have about amputation or surgeries is my own personal experience. That's pretty much what I'm going off of for the next two or three chapters. I did a bit of research (I typed into Google) and from what I found, apparently people in comas or who are unconscious can cry when they hear loved ones speaking to them. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope I didn't turn anyone away with this chapter, I might update this on Tuesday or Monday, but I'm not sure, if I don't, then there will be an update on Friday.


	10. Blue Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is taken place from Bucky/Winter Soldier's perspective. It will be a bit graphic since it's relaying what happen in the crash. Just a warning for those of us who are squeamish.

Cold. It was cold. Freezing. He could feel himself shivering. But he knew he couldn't be. He was frozen. Frozen in time. Frozen solid. Frozen in every way possible. He was the Winter Soldier. 

}{}{}{}{}{}{

They were going to come get him. He could make out the clanking sounds of the machinery. He could hear the beeping sounds of his heart rate. Finally, his Frozen coffin starts to be opened. His eyes are closed. But he knows there's bright lights surrounding him. He can hear their faint hum. And he knows. He knows that he is needed once again. The Winter Soldier is needed. 

}{}{}{}{}{

He's getting dragged to the chair, there's a tiny voice in his head that's telling him to fight, telling him that he's stronger than them, that he could kill every single person in this room. He needed to fight. But he was tired. He could barely open his eyes, and when they shove him in his chair, "No, sto-" he barely gets the first word out before the mechanism is coming down over his head. Then, all he knows is pain. It lights up every single one of his nerves. The voice yelling at him in his head gets washed away. Gone. It's gone. Everything he thought he knew is gone. It's only pain. And lights. And more pain. It's all the Winter Soldier knows. He is the Winter Soldier. 

}{}{}{}{}{}{

They tell him that there's a car heading for the airport with valuable information in the trunk regarding Howard Stark's latest experiment. There is a woman and a child, he's instructed to kill both, they are threats to Hydra. He nods, he understands what he has to do. He sets off to do just that. 

}{}{}{}{}{}{

Finding the car is easy, as it's not trying to hide. Bumping the car with his arm is also easy, perfectly timing it so that they would crash into a sturdy tree. 

The woman who was driving the car is crying when he gets there. Whimpering over and over "Tony, Tony baby, it's gonna be ok, you're gonna be fine. Tony, talk to mommy." The Winter Soldier wastes no time in bashing her head against the steering wheel, not even hesitating at the fear stricken look on her face. He's seen that expression too many times. He checks her pulse- nothing. 

He continues to the seat directly behind hers, and he hears sniffling. 

The door is stuck inwards, concaving on it's self from where it had directly impacted the tree, so he grabs it with his metal arm and rips it off of it's hinges. 

He bends down to look inside. There's a small child strapped in a booster seat, he has blood running down the side of his face and his entire left leg is a mangled, bloody mess. The boy is peering up at him with tears running out of his eyes. The Winter Soldier watches as he sluggishly raises a loosely clutched fist and runs at his eyes. 

The Soldier feels a tingle in his left shoulder, normally this wouldn't distract him, since he feels a lot of weird things there due to the weight of his arm and the mass of scar tissue. But this tingle is different, it doesn't hurt like the others, it feels nice, as if a warm hand is resting there, almost pushing him towards this boy. 

He knows he has some type of lettering there, he can't remember what it says, but it sits just before the scar tissue. He wants to reach out and touch this boy, the tiny voice in his head is back, telling him he must protect this boy at all costs. He believes it. 

The boy in the car is still sniffling, looking at him, "I wan' my daddy" he sobs. The Winter Soldier doesn't respond, he knows that the boy will pass out soon, due to the amount of blood loss, he also knows his handlers will be here in a matter of minutes, to make sure he finished the job. 

As soon as the boy's head rolls onto his shoulder, he acts fast, undoing the booster seat from the car and carrying the whole thing, boy and seat, he gently sets it down behind heavy bushing a few meters from the site. Next he grabs the brightly colored backpack and container with gold fish inside. He hides it all. 

The handlers come and go, collecting the information packets in the trunk and also making sure Maria Stark is dead. She is. The Soldier doesn't say a word, which isn't out of the ordinary, his handlers also don't blink an eye at the empty back seat, assuming their techs were wrong, and the boy was left at home. 

When the handlers leave, giving him instructions to follow them, staying at least a mile back at all times, he puts everything back in the car, exactly the way he found it. He hears sirens coming, but only thanks to his enhanced hearing, so he knows it will be a good bit before they arrive. 

He doesn't know why he does it, but after he sets the boy gently down onto the back seat, he touched his forehead lightly, brushing away the sticky and bloody curls. He feels a 'zing' going up his arm, almost like getting shocked, but it didn't hurt. 

Before he could stroke the boy again though, he sees the lights coming up the road. Right before he leaves, he stares into the glassy but beautiful caramel orbs. The tiny voice in his head starts giving him ways to overcome Hydra and escape, letting him get back to that boy. He vows to himself that someday he'll do it. He will beat Hydra. 

The Winter Soldier rides away into the night just before he hears the frantic voices of the paramedics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was short, that's why I posted it on Tuesday. This is probably the only chapter I'll do from Bucky's POV. 
> 
> Next chapter there will be Steve and Tony again, recovering. Stick around!


	11. Wake Up

Today was the day, today Steve's baby boy was finally going to wake up, it'd been four days since Steve had heard his baby's giggle, or seen his bright caramel eyes shine, or chased his boy around the house, pretending that he couldn't catch up to him, just to let him win and see his bright grin. 

He watches as a nurse injects a syringe filled with some type of liquid into the IV line. He scoots forward on his chair, tightening his hold on Tony's tiny hand. "It will take a couple seconds for the medicine to take effect" he tells him. 

Steve nods, eyes glued on Tony's face, half of it now littered with bruises. He hasn't seen or heard from Howard since yesterday when he left for an important meeting for the Maria Stark foundation. Right now what he wants is to be held by his mate, he misses Howard's arms around him almost as much as he misses Tony's smile. 

"Da...?" A small whisper shakes him out of his thoughts as he whips his head up to look back at Tony. His eyes are still closed but he watches as he scrunches up his face before wincing and putting it back to normal. 

Steve jumps out of his seat and gently wipes the hair off of Tony's forehead, "yeah, I'm here baby, it's ok, just relax. Daddy's here, relax baby boy." He chants as he gently rubs circles on Tony's belly. 

Tony starts to flutter his eyelids, before they finally, finally open to reveal the bright, glassy eyes that Steve has missed so much. The chocolate brown orbs flit around the room, not quite focusing on any one thing until he catches sight of Steve. Then he shoots up and wraps his arms around Steve's neck, sobbing into his shoulder. 

Steve carefully holds the boy, gently rubbing circles into his back. "Shh it's ok Tony, you gotta get back in bed baby. You're gonna hurt yourself." He listens to tiny sniffling as Steve bends as low as he can to try and put Tony back down on the bed. 

He ends up staying bent over for a few more minutes until the sniffling dies down and the vice grip on his neck loosens some. When Tony finally lets go though, Steve wishes he hadn't, because he shoots forward and grabs the blankets about two inches down from where his leg ends. "It hurts daddy! Dada! I-it hurts" Tony yells out and begins to sob again, clutching the blankets in a grip that should not be possible for a two year old. 

Steve has no idea what to do so he panic and presses both the 'help' button and the 'emergency' button. A few seconds too long later a nurse walks in, freezes, runs back out and sprints in with another nurse. 

They immediately take action, not even going through the steps of what they're doing, but Steve doesn't care, so long as they help Tony. They insert two separate syringes into the IV, and whatever it was in there, it worked. Tony started to slowly stop crying until he was only sniffling again and then he slumped forward. 

Steve carefully lowered Tony back onto his pillow and kisses his sweaty forehead, while also rubbing light circles on his tummy. 

He looks up to the nurses with what he's sure are teary eyes. "What- what happened? What'd you give him?" He asks them. "Your son was experiencing something called phantom pain, it's where his brain essentially doesn't want to 'let go' of the limb, so it convinces itself that it's still there, convincing Tony that it hurts. Due to this, we gave him a tiny sedative that, due to his state, will work just as well as any big one, but it won't last as long. The other syringe was just saline water, he's pumped full of drugs right now and because of his tiny body, we don't want to over do it. Also, because his body is not actually feeling pain, the pain mess wouldn't do anything for him, so we tricked his brain, essentially, into thinking we gave him something for the pain." She tries her best to explain to Steve's fragile state. 

He just nods, absorbing this information. "Will the ph- phantom pain go away?" He asks. She sadly shakes her head "as time goes on, his brain will learn that the limb is not coming back, and that it is gone. But, we all get selfish sometimes, and his brain is no exception, it will continue to try and trick Tony into feeling his leg there. A physiotherapist will be coming by later, she can give you more information then." She says, writing some things down on her chart. 

Steve nods in understanding as he looks back down at Tony's peaceful sleeping face. 

}{}{}{}{}{}{

The next time Tony wakes, everything is much smoother. He groggily opens his eyes and a tear falls down his face, but Steve is quick to wipe it away with his thumb, careful of the bruises. "It's ok baby. You're fine." He whispers into Tony's unruly hair. 

"Daddy. I wan' a hug." Tony whines trying to wiggle closer to the side of the bed until he pressed into the railing. "Daddy..." Tony says simply, but lucky Steve knows how to speak Anthony Stark and takes off his shoes before carefully climbing into the bed beside Tony, until he throws himself on top of Steve's chest, burying his face into his heartbeat. 

Steve makes sure his thigh is on a pillow and that it's ok before he finally relaxes and wraps his arms around Tony, one hand rubbing his back, and the other running through his hair. 

Just when he thinks that Tony fell asleep, he hears softly, muffled by his chest "Gone. Gone daddy. It's gone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say something, I myself knows what it feels like to lose a leg, so this chapter and more to come are based on my personal experience, and it's been really hard to write about, but that's not the point. The point is is that I've been in the hospital so many times, and the doctors always get so much credit, but the nurses are the real heroes in the story. They're the ones doing all the work, and dealing with patients and loved ones. It's sad to say that they're so under appreciated. So, this one goes out to all the nurses out there. Thank you. 
> 
> Anyway, now aside from that sappy stuff... I hope you enjoyed this awfully short chapter, the next one is coming soon, I just haven't figured out a day yet.


	12. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that I'm incredibly sorry I haven't updated in forever, I had my surgery (everything went fine) and then afterwards I just... disconnected from my characters and I couldn't get back into it, until now that is. 
> 
> Thank you for all the kind comments, they mean the world to me even though I don't respond to all of them. 
> 
> Also, I wanted Peggy in this story but I wasn't sure how to bring her in, I figured this way worked.

The next couple days pass by in a blur. Tony is never awake for more than half an hour at a time, except for that once that they got him to stay awake long enough to watch Alladin. 

He managed to wake up more yesterday when Natasha and Peggy came to visit them. Steve had been ecstatic when he had found out Peggy was still around, and was now trying to bring her into Tony's life as much as possible. They've both become Aunt Peggy and Aunt Natasha. 

Right now a nurse is just entering to change his bandages for the first time since they've been here, because they didn't want to disturb the stitches. After they're done, Steve is going to get Tony dressed in more comfortable pajamas from home rather than the hospital ones he's wearing. Then, a physiotherapist is coming to try and get Tony comfortable on crutches since even when he has a prosthetic they warn him that some days the site will be too irritated to use it. So, crutches. 

He watches as the nurse carefully unwinds the bandages, Tony is digging his face more into Steve's chest the closer she gets to the skin. Once all the gauze is gone, all that's left is tighter, thicker bandages winding around the stump. If he looks close enough though, just poking out of the bandage is the top of a blue 'J'. 

"I need you to stay very still now, ok?" The nurse addresses Tony. He just nods, squeezing his eyes shut. She gives him a sympathetic smile before going back to her task, carefully removing any medical tape and then slowly lifting up the thick bandages, making sure all the stitches were still in place before fully removing it. 

Steve both feels and hears Tony's small gasp and looks down at him from where he's lying on him. "What's wrong baby?" He asks him. Tony raises a tiny clenched fist and rubs at his eye. "'S cold" he says. 

The nurse has started cutting gauze from a big roll "sorry about that, we're almost done and then you can go play with Johanna. And, rumor has it that your Aunty Nat will be joining you." The nurse tells him, trying her best to make it easier for Tony. Steve strongly appreciates her effort, especially since it makes Tony smile at the idea of playing with Aunty Nat. 

Steve risks a glance down at Tony's leg, he doesn't know if he should feel happy or sad, but he feels a mixture of both. Tony's thigh ends just about an inch down from where Tony's soulname is. There's cuts and bruises and scrapes, some have stitches and others don't all around the stump, but yet, only two little cuts that will go away in a couple days have blemished it. The 'James Buchanan Barnes' on his leg looks as vibrant as ever. 

Steve watches with tears in his eyes as the nurse checks all of the stitches and then uses fresh bandages to wrap it back up. Steve thanks her as she leaves after checking Tony's vital signs, then he gets off the bed to grab the backpack on the end of it. 

Nat had brought it for them yesterday, it was filled with games and pajamas and coloring books. Steve took out a pair of footie pajamas designed to look like a black cat, complete with a tail and ears. This was one of Steve's favorite on Tony, it was adorable to watch Tony pad around the house in it, sometimes even meowing and crawling around. 

Steve smiles sadly as he also takes out a new pull up. He goes back to the bed where Tony is blearily rubbing his eyes, clumsy from the pain med cocktail the nurse had just given him to prepare for the physiotherapist. "C'mon baby, you're gonna feel so much better after you get changed." Steve says helping Tony sit forward to untie the gown he was in. 

Next he set about switching Tony's wet pull up for a clean one, periodically blowing raspberries on Tony's tummy to keep him settled. Tony barely giggled and half heartedly swatted at Steve's head. Steve smiled sadly and gently rubbed Tony's belly, he was trying desperately to think up of something that could help cheer Tony up, or at least get him to smile. 

When he's finished changing Tony he looks sadly at the empty left pant leg. He doesn't dwell on it though because soon enough there's a knock on the door and a lady is stepping through with a clip board. "Mr Rogers?" She asks "that's me" he replies. 

After the introductions are done and she even gets Tony to shake her hand with a tiny smile after she calls him a little gentleman, Steve has to sign some papers, just saying that no information about Tony or himself and Howard is to be released to the public. So far, the only thing they know is that Maria Stark passed away in a tragic car accident and Anthony Stark is in the hospital with no life threatening injuries. 

Steve hates the way it sounds, like it's degrading what happened, but they want to tell the public on their own terms what happened, and only when the time is right. There is going to be a public funeral for Maria, in which only Steve and Howard will attend, (Natasha and Peggy have already agreed to stay with Tony that day). That's going to be in a few days, but in two weeks there will be a private funeral, only a select few will attend, as well as close family and friends. They hope that Tony will be well enough to attend that one. 

Right before they're about to help Tony out of the bed and into a wheelchair, the physiotherapist- "Sarah" pulls out a couple safety pins from literally nowhere and sets on carefully pinning up Tony's pant leg, mindful of the sore spots. Later, as they walk down the hospital hallways, him pushing Tony around in the wheelchair while making race car noises, she sneakily shoves a handful of the pins into his pocket and pats his shoulder. 

}{}{}{}{}{}{

That day is pretty uneventful, Tony attempts to use crutches (Steve couldn't help from marveling at how tiny they are) and he takes to them quickly once he figures out how to not fall forward. But, he soon got tired and had to sit back in his wheelchair. 

Now though, they're sitting in the cafeteria, Steve sipping on a tea and eating a muffin, while Tony practically inhales his milk and giant chocolate chip cookie. This is his first time eating anything that the nurses didn't bring to him, and even though it's still hospital food, it's a lot better than the stuff on Tony's floor. 

Steve keeps looking around the busy room trying to catch sight of Howard, he had been busy with business at both Maria Stark Foundation and at Stark Enterprises and he hadn't had time to come see Steve or Tony, or even pick up his phone when Steve called him, but he was busy, that's what Steve had to repeat to himself when the doubt hits. 

It's half an hour past the time that Howard was supposed to be there when he finally plops down into the seat on the other side of Tony, who has now fell asleep after the cookie that was about the size of his head. 

Howard predictably leans over Tony's peaceful form to try and get a kiss from Steve, Steve, who doesn't want to have this discussion in the middle of a crowded hospital cafeteria, leans over and quickly pecks his lips, trying to pretend that the little shock of pleasure that went down his spine at being able to touch his soulmate never happened. This was easier to pretend when Steve smelled a strong stench of alcohol on Howard's breath, but he again doesn't comment, yet. 

He watches as Howard pushes away the dark curls that have fallen over Tony's forehead and presses a couple kisses there, telling Tony that he missed him and his daddy. 

Howard doesn't stay for long, but somewhere in between ordering a coffee and apologizing to Steve about a hundred times he ends up moving seats from beside Tony to the other side of Steve, promptly taking hold of his hand and not letting go for the rest of his visit.

When it starts getting close to the time when Howard has to leave for a meeting, he notices that Howard's hands are trembling, and as he stands up and kisses Steve's forehead he vows that the three of them are going to take a months vacation when this is all over. 

Steve watches him leave as Tony, who had woken up to give Howard a goodbye hug and kiss, carries on with his nonsensical gurgles. Seeing Howard must have fortunately brought something back to life in his precious boy. Steve smiles down and watches for a moment as Tony giggles at something only his mind can understand. Steve can't help himself as he leans down and presses kisses to Tony's fluffy curls. He wonders what he did to get this lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you guys feel about Clint/Phil, they're one of my OTP's and I know that I want to include them, but it's up to you guys how much they show up. I have the idea that Clint comes in and 'adopts' Tony as his baby brother, and will always look out for him. But ultimately it's up to you guys. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading, kudos and comments go so much farther than you guys think.


	13. Let's Go Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy

Steve watches on as Howard tucks in Tony's orange (his choice, he's going through a bit of an orange phase) button down into his dress pants, all the while talking to him about his idea for a brand-new engine, doing everything to try and keep Tony's mind off today's events. 

They had come home yesterday without any problems, but as Steve carried Tony inside he found out all too late that someone, presumably a cleaning staff, had left the tv on with the news playing, and of course all over the news were different reporters covering the tragic death of Maria Stark. 

In the hospital, he didn't have a chance to tell Tony, and he also didn't want to, he needed Tony to be able to rest as peacefully as possible and so he never told him. Maybe it was cruel, but Steve never regretted his decision, until now... when he sees the look on Tony's face as he takes in the clips from the funeral. Tony is brilliant, and a lot smarter than any other two-year-old, and Steve knows that he's managed to put all the pieces together. This was confirmed as he watched a silent tear slide down his boy's face. 

After that him and Howard had tried their best to explain it to him in a sense that he'd understand without upsetting him even more. In the end, Tony fell asleep for a late nap after taking his meds. 

Now Steve starts to get things together for the funeral, including going down the hallway to get Tony's converse, his favorites. Steve is struck with startling realization as he bends down to pick up both, but then only picks up the right one. Although the hospital has given Tony a temporary prosthetic (temporary because Howard has over a dozen designs already being made) they have strict orders to not let him wear it for 2-3 months because they don't want him hurting himself. So, until then Howard and Steve have been carrying him around anytime he's not in his stroller, simply because Tony is naturally clumsy in areas where he's not comfortable, and so they are slowly teaching him how to use his crutches. 

Steve helps Howard put on Tony's shoe, then pin up Tony's empty pant leg, and then he fixes his hair, fingers brushing through Tony's soft curls, this makes Tony turnaround in Howard's arms to press his face into Steve's neck. Steve takes a few minutes to just hold his family. While he doesn't think he'd rather be anywhere else in the world, with Howard's hand running up and down his back and with Tony's face breathing hot puffs of air into his neck, he still feels as though there's something missing, as though there should be someone else there in this little huddle. For a second, Steve feels a familiar presence, almost like a ghost has slotted their way into the middle, he knows Howard felt this too, by the way he immediately looks up and meets Steve's eyes. They both look down at Tony, their natural protective tendencies taking over, Tony has leaned sideways, towards where the presence was, as though the person is actually there. 

Right then Jarvis comes in, ushering them to get ready, and just like that, the moment is over, shattered. 

}{}{}{}{}{}{

At the funeral Tony refuses to be anywhere other than in his daddy's arms. Many times, somebody lays their hand on Tony's back in what is meant to be a calming gesture, but every time he leans away, burying his nose into either Steve's or Howard's collarbone. 

The only exception is Aunt Peggy and Natasha, both are even able to run fingers through Tony's hair while talking with Steve. 

When it comes time to bury Maria, Steve is on complete guard, looking around for any cameras. He doesn't want this to be the way the media finds out about Tony's extensive injuries, luckily though, he can't find any, he also knows that there are security guards surrounding the perimeter. 

Not once during the entire ritual does Tony take his face out of where it's tucked into Howard's neck, not even when Howard moves forward to lay a blue rose with the Stark family seal down onto the casket to be buried with her. She is being buried next to her parents in the Stark family cemetery, right across from where Howard's own parents are, as well as the empty caskets of Steve's parents. After the war, Howard felt it fitting to give them the burial they deserved, even just in thought, and Steve couldn't appreciate it more. 

When they finally get home, it seems like they all collectively want to fall asleep on their feet, to Steve it feels like things are finally settling down and they might be able to go back to normal routines soon. 

Howard has some work that he needs to do in the lab so Steve vows to join him down there after he makes sure Tony gets at least an hour nap. Secretly Steve knows that Howard just needs a distraction and his projects help him with that in a way that Steve will never be able to. So, after getting he and Tony both changed into soft comfy clothes, Steve gets Tony a little bowl of cheerios to munch on and sets them up in the living room, with Steve lying on his back on the couch with Tony cradled on top of him on his stomach, this position accompanied by Steve rubbing his back is a sure-fire way to get Tony to sleep anywhere. 

Sure enough after only a few minutes and a couple cheerios, Tony is out like a light, quietly breathing peacefully on top of Steve. His little fist clenching and unclenching in his sleep.   
Steve must wake him up in an hour though because he has 'schoolwork' to do. Although Tony is two, already Steve and Howard can see that he is much more advanced than any other children they've ever met or even heard of. They need to make sure that Tony can keep advancing in his studies, he picked up reading and writing as if he'd been doing it for years and now Howard is working on math skills with him, and Tony has a much higher grasp on numbers and equations than he ever did with letters. They believe that Tony is going to be a brilliant man someday, and they couldn't be closer to the truth. 

During the hour, Steve spends his time checking and sorting through his emails and just watching Tony's peaceful features. Before he knows it the hour is up and it's time he has to wake up his boy. He watches the signs of distaste of waking up appear on his face, the crinkling of the nose, the tight fists, the jaw cracking yawn and finally two eyelids blinking open to show off two beautiful brown eyes. 

"Hello beautiful boy" Steve whispers to him as Tony squeezes his eyes shut in an attempt to claim back his sleep. Steve chuckles "now, now, c’mon, none of that" Steve squeezes his arms around the small body in a hug before standing up, grabbing the container of cheerios that had fallen to the floor. "C’mon, I think your papa's been working on something for you" he says as Tony nuzzles his neck and fists the fabric of his shirt. Never let it be said that Anthony Stark is a morning person. 

Steve continues to chat to him as they make their way to the lab, Tony sometimes butting in with nonsensical grumbling, obviously unhappy at being woken up. Steve just chuckles fondly every time and places a kiss into Tony's unruly hair.

By the time that Steve is scanning his palm to open the lab doors, Tony has become livelier. Munching on a cheerio while he tries to explain something or another about a car to Steve. Steve tries his best to humor him, occasionally nodding or saying that he understands. 

When the door slides open Steve walks over to where Howard is bent over a desk working. "Wow, look at what Papa's making for you baby" Steve says as he sees the frame of what is clearly the beginnings of a little leg. Howard looks up at that and grins, reaching his arms up to be passed Tony. 

Steve slots Tony carefully into Howard's lap, making sure his stump is supported the best it can be, unfortunately they can't spend much time like this since even several weeks after the accident Tony’s leg still starts to bother him after a couple minutes of being down and hurts not long after. The doctor explained that this was caused by blood flow and circulation back into an afflicted area, right now it will hurt once it's down, but as time goes on and you keep putting it down often it will start to get better, but you also have to raise it up too. 

Howard wraps and arm securely around Tony's waist to hold him against his chest and drags the leg frame closer. Steve listens to Howard ask Tony questions about what colors he wants it to be- to which Tony responds with a very enthusiastic "pink! And orange!" Steve smiles as Howard scowls, muttering "you certainly didn't get your eccentric tastes from me". But nonetheless he sees as Howard starts drawing up designs on a monitor, adding in splashes of pink and orange wherever he can in a way that doesn't look completely awful. 

Steve leaves him to it and starts looking around. He smiles as he picks up the framed picture of him and Tony that's sitting on Howard's desk. In the photo Steve is sleeping curled around Tony who is wide awake and grinning toothlessly at the camera that Howard is holding while trying his best to keep Tony quiet and calm so he didn't wake Steve. It only worked for a short while more after the picture was taken. Steve remembers waking up to Tony giggling as Howard tried to stealthily climb down from kneeling on top of him but failed and fell. 

He's shaken out of his delightful memory by something crashing to the floor. Steve spins around to find Tony sitting on the desk with his arms crossed and a little pout on his face. On the floor is one of his crutches which must have fallen. Or been thrown. Judging by the way Tony is scowling down at it. 

Howard bends to pick it up "why'd you that Tony?" Steve asks concerned. Tony shrugs and keeps scowling at his toes. Steve decides that it’s best not to push this, Tony has been through a lot the past couple days and he was most likely upset that he had to use crutches. If anyone can understand what it’s like hating having to rely on something or someone to help you because you can’t do it on your own then it would be Steve, who grew up always having to rely on others and absolutely dreading every moment of it, he had always hoped that his child would never have to experience this which is why he is 100% supporting Howard in building Tony multiple designs of prosthetics, he wants to let Tony have as normal a life as a one-legged genius millionaire boy can possibly have.

}{}{}{}{}{}{

 

They end up carrying Tony back up to the main floor just in time for the lunch that Jarvis has been working hard to prepare. When they enter the kitchen where he is busy stirring his famous soup Tony’s face brightens, this is the first time that Tony has seen Jarvis back in his natural element taking care of all of them instead of running around trying to get them ready or getting Howard to sign something, both Steve and Howard are filled with a sense of normality that hasn’t been present since everything happened. Tony reaches his arms out as soon as Howard gets close enough for him to do so.

Jarvis happily takes Tony from him as Howard takes over making sure the soup doesn’t burn. Steve sets the table and listens as Jarvis speaks to Tony softly in his naturally reassuring and peaceful voice.

While they sit around the table sipping their soup and eating the warm bread that goes beautifully with it, they watch as Tony begins nodding off, almost falling face first into his bowl at one point. Because of all the meds that Tony is on right now for both pain and infection protection, as well as his age, he tends to be incredibly sleepy, not able to spend more than a couple hours awake at a time. Howard chuckles and finishes his last piece of bread before picking Tony up and taking him up to bed. Steve kisses Tony’s forehead when they pass him and lightly touches Howard’s hand. Steve isn’t nearly done eating yet, with the serum making his metabolism almost 10 times faster than an average person.

Eventually Jarvis gets up and goes to the kitchen to get started tidying up while Steve finishes eating and waits for Howard to finish putting their boy to bed, he wants to have a talk with him about everything that’s happened the past few weeks now that it’s finally dying down and going back to normal, he specifically needs to talk to Howard about the alcohol that Steve has smelt off him a couple times, he also seen multiple bottles around the lab that were empty. He understands that Howard is going through a lot with the passing of Maria and the almost death of Tony, not to mention the stress of dealing with the press and their pressing questions. He knows that all that effects a person, but he also knows that while Steve was in the ice he was constantly drinking, only stopping when he found out Maria was pregnant, Steve knows that the drink killed Howard’s dad, and the last thing he wants is that to happen to Howard, it physically pains him to think about a world without his soulmate in it.

Which is why when Howard comes back a few minutes later he chooses to go at the situation head on like he would a battle, though maybe more thought out. After Howard has sat down across from him once again, this time with a cup of coffee, Steve starts, he begins by extending his hand, the one with his soul mark, across the table top, he doesn’t think he can manage this conversation without some piece of himself and Howard making contact. When Howard entangles his fingers with his own, he waits a moment for the pleasurable electricity to stop zapping through his body, alighting it with a delicious fire that only his soul mate can create within him.

“You know I love you right?” he waits a second for Howard’s nod, “Well then you know that I'd never do anything to purposely hurt you, that I'd only ever do something to keep yours and Tony's best interests in mind?" Again, he waited for Howard's nod. "Good, then you should know why we have to address this drinking problem." He didn't wait even a second before continuing this time "You and me both know that there is a problem, and the sooner addressed the better, because the longer this goes on the harder it will be to stop it. I didn't want to ever have to say this to you again, but as I once told you back in the war, I can't be with someone who drinks, I can't let my son be with someone who drinks."

He shuts his eyes after saying those last words as an onslaught of memories of an 8-year-old Bucky climbing into his window late at night, still wiping away tears and stinking of his father’s alcohol as a fresh bruise takes residence across his face, 10-year-old Steve Rogers was the only person he trusted or wanted after nights like those. He still remembers leading the younger boy to his mother, a nurse who had just gotten home from a late shift. He remembers many occasions sitting there on the kitchen stool watching as his mom patched up his best friend, anything from a black eye to a cracked rib or two, all of it from a man who was supposed to be taking care of Bucky, instead was tearing him apart. 

So, no, he would never, could never be with someone who drank, he could never let Tony be with someone who drinks. He feels fingers on his chin, getting him to look up. He does and opens his eyes and looks straight into deep, guilty brown eyes, so similar to Tony's but also so incredibly different. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry baby, I just forgot, and with everything happening, and Tony- I know these are just excuses, but baby I love you and I promise I'll stop, I won't tear us apart, I promise. I didn't even have a sip yesterday or today, and I know that's not really a great time, but it's something and I-" Howard doesn't get to finish his sentence because Steve is wrapping his arms around his neck and dragging him into a searing kiss, one that lasts for minutes before Howard manages to pull away because, hello, no super soldier lungs here. 

Howard watched Steve carefully as he catches his breath. He makes sure that he isn't making a mistake by kissing him, he knows very well why Steve was so upset about him drinking, now he just feels bad about not thinking about how Steve would react before the deed was done. 

When they first met, it was in a bar, Steve was sent to find him after he didn't show up for an important meeting. Their hands had touched when Steve had to help his drunken self stand and the look that crossed Steve's face was one he would never forget, even in his drunken state. 

You see, most people tell happy, wonderful tales of the day they met their soulmate, they love struck expressions that appear on even the most miserable of people. But not Howard Stark, no, certainly not Howard Stark, the look he received was one of fear, disappointment, and resentment. 

Steve had immediately backed up, given him a once over, and run away with tears in his eyes, all 90 pounds, asthmatic, and frail parts of him. 

Later though, after he had tracked him down the next day, Steve had spilled everything to him, about how he would never be with him if he continued to drink this much. He also told him the heartbreaking story of his best friend, he never said his name but Howard figured it out, and he never looked at that snarky brunette the same, and he still believes that that boy deserved better. 

He can't help but kiss Steve as soon as he gets his breath back, cupping his jaw between his hands, he kisses Steve with all he has, shivering slightly at the electric pulses racing up and down his arm, making the mark on his bicep feel like it's on fire. But he loves it. 

After a while things become less broken hearted and more heated, Howard moves to kiss down His jaw and then his neck, while Steve throws back his head to give him more access, while also running his hands down Howard's sides to reach up under his shirt just to feel his skin. 

If there was one thing to be said about all of Steve's years in the ice, it made Steve love and crave skin to skin contact, in fact, Steve's favorite thing in the world is to cuddle in bed with Howard completely naked, he loved the feeling of just being held and being able to feel every little shift Howard made right against him. 

Steve groans at the thought and presses closer, shoving his face into Howard's chest. Automatically they both stand up, stumbling together towards their bedroom, Steve unconsciously making sure the baby monitor for Tony's room was turned on. Of course, they had multiple stationed throughout the house, but Steve always liked to be sure, especially when entering what was sure to be a very vulnerable moment. 

They make it through the hallway, Steve once stumbling a bit causing Howard to giggle which made Steve tell him to shush while also reattaching himself to Howard's lips once again. They manage to be quiet as they go past Tony's room and into theirs, but as soon as the door is closed all bets are off, and soon Howard has Steve against the door and is pulling his shirt off. 

Once he gets it off he kisses down that incredible chest and toned stomach, lightly scratching with his mustache the way he knows Steve loves. When he gets low enough he drops to his knees, something that's getting harder to do in his older days but he still enjoys doing for his husband. 

He pulls down the waist band of Steve's favorite red sweats, the pair that he always wears way too low on his tiny waist. Steve's cock pops right out as soon as the pants are out of the way. His dick is just as perfect as the rest of him, its long and thick and curved exactly right and Howard absolutely loves to worship this wonderful piece of anatomy until Steve can't help but come and then fuck open his tight little hole while Steve is still all loose and pliant. 

Howard groans at the thought of what he has planned and starts to go to town, running his tongue up and down the length, while massaging his balls with his hand, occasionally coming down to lick right at that spot behind Steve's balls. He loves to tease Steve like this, making him tense from wanting to just shove his hips into Howard's mouth but knowing he's not allowed to. 

When Howard decides that Steve's had enough, evident in the way his fingers are starting to go white from the strain of wanting to squeeze them shut but also knowing that if he does that he'll break something, he pulls off and lets Steve's dick bob in midair, soaking wet from Howard's tongue, for a few moments, right before slowly going in and swallowing Steve's dick whole in one go. 

The groan that rips itself from Steve's chest is incredible and would have made Howard almost lose his mind with the want of fucking him. It would have, if not for the bloodcurdling scream coming from the next room. 

Steve is broken out of his hazy world by the broken, ear piercing scream coming from next door, a scream that he knows is coming from his tiny, two-year-old son. 

Howard immediately drops his now limp dick from his mouth and he quickly tucks it back into his sweats, quickly grabbing his shirt off the floor and throwing it on as quickly as possible as the screams and cries continue, he throws open the door and runs across the floor to Tony's room with Howard hot on his heels. 

He pushes open the door and is greeted with the painful sight of his little boy thrashing around in his bed, crying and still yelling out and sobbing. He runs over and kneels on the floor next to the bed, and takes a gentle but firm hold on Tony. 

"Tony, baby boy, Anthony, c’mon bud, you gotta wake up, it's just a dream, lets go baby, it's not real, daddy's here, it's ok" he continues with the short nonsensical words until Tony slowly stops screaming and then opens his eyes, but then quickly closing them again after he looks around the entire room. He then buries his small face into Steve's wide chest, now starting to sob out "d-d-daddy, h-he was right there, s-s-standing th-there" 

Steve starts to run his fingers through Tony's messy curls, looking over at Howard who's just finished closing the windows that were somehow opened during the afternoon. He watches as Howard pulls out a tablet leaves the room, no doubt to go down to his lab to check all the security cameras. 

Steve just keeps on petting Tony's head and back, telling him he's ok, the last thing he hears Tony say before falling back asleep is something that will haunt his mind for months to come. 

"He had blue eyes daddy, and he was standing right there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geez it's been a couple minutes

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Sorry for the heartbreaking chapter, but it was the, I guess we could call it preview? Like when you go see a movie and they have a scene from the climax and then the tittle and intro and then the movie actually starts? Yeah, that's what this is, sorta.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it, and please remember, comments are the only thing they feed us when we're locked in our writing cages.


End file.
